I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize