dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
