i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
