i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
