Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
