i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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