I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Couch. On fire.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
