Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
