You're my little dorito
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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