at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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