Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
