Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
