I think im going to throw up on grandma
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
