dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
