"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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