Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
did you just send me my own nude
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
