he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
