This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
birth control should be required to get into college
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You took a bar mat shot.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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