Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
