I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
