after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
