Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
