love makes seman taste better
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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