I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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