I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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