so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
