what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
