I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
