How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
