Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry Guy_McRule hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(518): View more from New York

Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp

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(614): View more from Ohio

My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?

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(402): View more from Nebraska

My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.

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(540): View more from Virginia

I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.

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(212): View more from New York

he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"

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(660): View more from Missouri

I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.

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