all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
