i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
