Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize