this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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