McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
