dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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