u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
