Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
