why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
