Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
