you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
