I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
