And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
