His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
