I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
