It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
