i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
