omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
