i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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