I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
