Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
