she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
