It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
