I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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