I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize