lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
