Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
