God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
