You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
