we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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