508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
