I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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