Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
