Just mADE A PArabola og urine
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
as a side note pls kill me
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize