Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
