Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
