I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
