i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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