At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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