What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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