Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
