im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
