someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
