my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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