I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
